Friday, July 20, 2012

A Hiatus from Hiatus

Life. It gets pretty crazy sometimes. Between work,goals,dreams, taking action and a social life time can be scarce. Some people simplify. Some people shop. Some people have sleepovers and eat a gallon of ice cream and some people just take a day off. I have what I call "cave days". Usually these days consist of me watching movies on netflix, sleeping and hiding from the world. Just for a day. Unfortunately the whole "just for a day" thing turns into a "three weeks in a row" thing sometimes. Taking a hiatus from life every once in a while is great. Re-prioritize, reshape,renew it's all good but turning that time into three weeks is a bit irresponsible and a waste of time.  Being an introvert in an extroverted world can take it's toll sometimes but being an extrovert in an extroverted world can be tough too so I am tired of making excuses for my absence and have decided to get back to taking responsibility and taking action. I have a million things I want to do with my life. Bucket list things, work things, school things, friend things,simple things. I can't continue watching episodes of 90210 all day and shirking my responsibilities to find out how Annie and Naomi's latest evil plot is going to turn out. It's lame. I am done thinking 90210 is lame. I'm not even going to go there. Some people like it and that's cool. I like it too because it helps me not to think. I don't know, there is something strange about watching actors live fake lives of Beverly Hills high school students. It is just relaxing. I don't have to think. The occasional momentary indignation I feel when a character is wrongly accused and monstrous assumptions are made only to make one of those characters lives more difficult is just that, momentary. It also makes me 10x more grateful that I have the awesome, fun, laid-back, honest, and drama free friends that I do. I mean the "he said she said" kind of drama free. The real life good times, bad times we all go through and support each other during is what friends are for. So I guess I "went there" so there you have it. An opinionated circle. Oddly related, I guess when you speak more the more likely your chances of saying something that might hurt someone even if that was never your intention. The stress of that alone can cause a social butterfly to crawl back into their cocoon.  I guess life is about taking risks though. I just have a hard time understanding how someone can want to intentionally hurt someone else. I still try my best to be harmless but there are those who seek to be offended and being confronted by them is difficult but I want to have opinions and I want to be me. Being me isn't about "sticking it to the man" or being over the top. Being me is hard to explain. Not in a "no one understands me" kind of way just the whole "human beings are extremely complex" kind of way. I just know that there are things in my life I want to change and I know they'll take time but I just have to be patient. I mess up. I "disappear" for a few weeks. I have a huge book list but have only managed to finish a few books off of it. I want to travel the world and I have been a few places but not everywhere I want to go yet. I want to write but I get writers block sometimes. I believe in magic even though I still haven't received my Hogwart's acceptance letter yet (one day....). I want to learn but sometimes I don't study. I'm LDS and surprise,surprise I don't  know everything and I know that and I am okay with it. I get tired. I don't want to think sometimes. I just want to watch a TV show with superficial characters and so-so acting sometimes and like it. It isn't a bad thing to do every now and again but if it gets in the way of my life I'm going to change. So I may revert back to the reclusive me again someday but I'm going to make sure that when I do it won't be for too long. Usually after those "cave days" I go on a "living spree". I stay in, recuperate then I'm back to enjoying life again. So I started on Monday. I went camping on a whim. Went on a trail run the next morning and was happier than I have been in a long time. Something about the trees and the dirt and the fresh, clean air just rejuvenates me and makes me want to be a mountain goat. Then I hung out with my roommates, went to a new restaurant (I am so excited because it is in a new health food store here and it is delicious and a dream come true for me) I went to a Nas and Tinie Tempah concert last minute last night in Salt Lake and it was insane. My feet and legs are all bruised because I lost my cheap flats 30 minutes into the concert and proceeded to get stepped on for the next 3 hours. It was totally worth it being 10 feet away from Nas for 2 hours and just with a bunch of people having fun. I am going on a 4 hour hike I've never done tomorrow with some friends, singing in a talent show and working all night long. It's going to be fantastic. And I am writing and reading again. I am thinking again and that is nice. I really do like to think I promise. This world gets really crazy and people change all the time. I think one of the most difficult parts of life is knowing that even when you are trying our best to be harmless people can blow things out of proportion or chose to think the worst of someone. I like the idea that what people think of me means nothing but I am not naive enough to believe that it is true. I live life with other people, for other people, because of other people and we all think. Think about life, love, nail polish, food music and other people. We have to make decisions based on the evidence we have and the best way to find out about someone is to get to know the real them. I'm not one for making assumptions, but then again I know I probably do no matter how hard I try not too. I try not to judge but I think it is inherent that we do. It's survival right? We have to make good decisions to stay "alive". Maybe I don't judge someone on wether or not their nail polish matches their shoes or if their greens clash but I judge to try to determine if someone is safe to be around. I know this whole wide world is full of amazing, honest, good people who deserve the benefit of the doubt but I am just being realistically cautious. In my senior English class we talked about tattoos and how having them can affect one socially. Negatively sometimes and positively at other times. For example,those with tattoos can be judged too quickly. One of my Co-workers Jo has a lot of tattoos and studies show she is less likely to get various jobs because of her tattoos and that is a shame because she is awesome, she makes a mean "soy hazelnut steamer", likes Harry Potter and is honest, fun and hard working. Most of my friends have tattoos and they are some of the world's greatest people on the planet and any firm or work place would be lucky to have them. We all make choices and suffer the consequences wether good or bad (however I don't think I'd suffer to much from a positive consequence). We weigh our choices and act accordingly.  I know "Living" isn't about how many concerts I've been to, how many books I've read, what bands I listen to but how I utilize who I am to benefit the world and the people in it. That doesn't mean I have to change to fit in I just have to enjoy life and laugh when I stick out like the hair on the back of Alfalfa's head. So I raise my peppermint, totally Mormon, herbal tea for living the "me life" and making the most of it for the people I love. Bring it on.  

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