Sunday, January 25, 2015

I'd Like to Buy a Foul.

I've participated in sports my entire life. One sport I played for over 13 years was basketball. My mom and dad used to tell me, "If you don't have 2 or 3 fouls you aren't playing the game. And if you foul out you aren't playing the game. Obviously."

The following blog is just my reflections on this quote and not a preachy "be happy" sort of post.



Fouls happen, in my mind, not because of an intention to hurt anyone, but when I would try to do something to help my team but it didn't work out like I thought it would and things would get messy.

Same goes for life.

I also think there is a difference between being naive and simply just not being afraid.

I know about the dangerous and dark things in this world. I know they exist. I've been through rough, dark-side-of-the-moon kind of times. Who hasn't?

I take the risks I do knowing full well of the dark places in the world because I made up my mind a long time ago that no matter what happens I know I can get through hard times. Because I have done it before. Who hasn't? I know I can do hard things. And I know that it is easier said than done. So I plan accordingly. Because they wouldn't be risks if I didn't know, at least in part, what was/is at stake.

But I also know that being strong isn't about carrying the world on my own. Being strong also means knowing when to ask for help. I didn't get to where I am by myself. I had help. And most of the time I didn't even have to ask for it. I have and am bolstered by the small and large acts of kindness on the selfless part of others. Conditioned by the hard-times and the not-so-nice people. And I'm alive because of small, quiet, beautiful moments and tender mercies.

And I am grateful for both the good and the bad.

Because I am determined to be who I want to be regardless and because of the things I've seen, I've done, I didn't do, I want to do, I should have done and so on.

Because it's my choice. I can't control others. I don't want to. But I can choose who I am and who I become. That is my freedom.

And I wouldn't have learned that without having experienced the good and the bad.

So I took my parent's advice and started taking risks.

Not the drunk-driving, sort of risks.

But the: I'm-going-to-drop-school-for-a-bit-and-travel kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-fight-for-the-people-and-things-I-love-most- in-the-best-way-I-know-how kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-apply-for-my-dream-job-because-what-the-hell-why-not kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-adopt-this-skinny-little-dog-because-I-love-her-and-I'll-find-a-way-to-make-it-work kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-talk-to-this-person-because-I-want-to-know-thier-story kind of risks. The I-stopped-caring-so-much-about-what-other-people-wanted-me-to-do-and-started-doing-what-I-want-to-do kind of risks.

I'm not the most focused person you will ever meet, I don't have it all together, my car isn't always clean, my bed isn't always made, I play my music too loudly, I don't wear my hearing-aids nearly as often as I should, I don't have amazing study habits, I talk too much, I sometimes binge-watch TV shows, I sometimes binge-read books, I have more than one Lord of the Rings Marathon a year. Just me. Cassolass of the Woodland Realm. No one else. I speak in weird accents to my dog. I would perish without Spellcheck. I randomly try to go vegan and then totally suck at it. I try to drink a gallon of water a day but somedays I don't because coffee.

But I do: Spend all the time I can with my family and closest friends. I make time to do the things I value. I make time to reflect and recharge and be alone. More than half of me believes there is still magic and Hogwarts and that maybe someday that thing on my dresser that is too far for me to reach  will float to me on my command if I just look hard enough at it. The other, more skeptical 49% of me is still clapping to keep tinker bell alive. I nerd out a lot. I go a lot of places by myself, because I don't think that it's weird. And when I go places alone I have a greater chance of learning about random people's lives and making new friends. And I do. I have an amazing dog, the world's greatest friends and family, an awesome job, and I was able to spend time with my family in a foreign country and make friends and learn about a different culture. I can enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in the morning on my front porch. I can go hiking and I can read books, and laugh and learn.

And life is good :)

So thanks for being a part of it :)

You rock  :)