Leave Some Room

 I work at a local coffee shop and it's awesome. It's the best job I've ever had and I get to work with my friends and I make pretty good money and get to be creative and be a part of a really great community. To be honest, every one's life is a little (or a lot a bit) crazy at times and none of us are perfect.

But that doesn't mean I can't write a blog post that pokes fun of a few of the less glamorous aspects of my job.

1)Waking up at an ungodly hour is just part of the job. There are absolutely no adverse side-effects as a result of waking up so early.

2) I mean, I work at a coffee shop. If I'm tired I'll just drink more coffee. Yeah, coffee.

3) There is a line out the door and around the corner and the next person in line walks up with their cell phone out and says, " okay, so I'm going to need 8 drinks. For 8 different people. Are you ready?" But they forgot to ask everyone what size, what temperature and with what milk substitute they wanted their coffee to be made. So they text everyone and wait for their replies. 

On the inside I'm all like:

But on the outside I'm a total bad ass: 

We cool, breh.

4) My co-workers and I got that entire confusingly dictated order done perfectly for you. 

5) Getting text messages like this one:

Is totally normal.

6) Shift change during a rush.

7) How I feel/look when I go on lunch break.

8) Mid-Shift.

9) When someone orders a macchiato and you hand them a traditional macchiato when what they really wanted was a large upside down caramel frappuccino with whipped cream on top and it's all your fault that you A) don't even have a blender to do frappuccinos and B) that you can't do your job because you didn't know that a large upside down caramel macchiato frappuccino with whipped cream is what they were asking for when they said "I want a macchiato." At the register. And C) that we aren't Starbucks. 

10)When someone looks at me with this face:

Then proceeds to either asks me out or begins to aggressively flirt with me while I'm working. 

11) When one of the tasks is to clean all the trash cans:

12) When someone who just ordered an iced sugar free hazelnut latte then walks over and picks up and starts drinking the small hot americano that I just prepared for someone else.

13) When someone tells me all the things we are doing wrong as a business and that they don't like our coffee as much as this other one so we need to change to be like that other place etc. while I make them their large soy single shot iced caramel latte with extra vanilla lite ice. 

14) How I feel at the end of a busy shift.

In the end though, it's all good :) 

So hey, come grab a cup of coffee :) 

I'd Like to Buy a Foul.

I've participated in sports my entire life. One sport I played for over 13 years was basketball. My mom and dad used to tell me, "If you don't have 2 or 3 fouls you aren't playing the game. And if you foul out you aren't playing the game. Obviously."

The following blog is just my reflections on this quote and not a preachy "be happy" sort of post.

Okay.

So.

Fouls happen, in my mind, not because of an intention to hurt anyone, but when I would try to do something to help my team but it didn't work out like I thought it would and things would get messy.

Same goes for life.

I also think there is a difference between being naive and simply just not being afraid.

I know about the dangerous and dark things in this world. I know they exist. I've been through rough, dark-side-of-the-moon kind of times. Who hasn't?

I take the risks I do knowing full well of the dark places in the world because I made up my mind a long time ago that no matter what happens I know I can get through hard times. Because I have done it before. Who hasn't? I know I can do hard things. And I know that it is easier said than done. So I plan accordingly. Because they wouldn't be risks if I didn't know, at least in part, what was/is at stake.

But I also know that being strong isn't about carrying the world on my own. Being strong also means knowing when to ask for help. I didn't get to where I am by myself. I had help. And most of the time I didn't even have to ask for it. I have and am bolstered by the small and large acts of kindness on the selfless part of others. Conditioned by the hard-times and the not-so-nice people. And I'm alive because of small, quiet, beautiful moments and tender mercies.

And I am grateful for both the good and the bad.

Because I am determined to be who I want to be regardless and because of the things I've seen, I've done, I didn't do, I want to do, I should have done and so on.

Because it's my choice. I can't control others. I don't want to. But I can choose who I am and who I become. That is my freedom.

And I wouldn't have learned that without having experienced the good and the bad.

So I took my parent's advice and started taking risks.

Not the drunk-driving, sort of risks.

But the: I'm-going-to-drop-school-for-a-bit-and-travel kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-fight-for-the-people-and-things-I-love-most- in-the-best-way-I-know-how kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-apply-for-my-dream-job-because-what-the-hell-why-not kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-adopt-this-skinny-little-dog-because-I-love-her-and-I'll-find-a-way-to-make-it-work kind of risks. The I'm-going-to-talk-to-this-person-because-I-want-to-know-thier-story kind of risks. The I-stopped-caring-so-much-about-what-other-people-wanted-me-to-do-and-started-doing-what-I-want-to-do kind of risks.

I'm not the most focused person you will ever meet, I don't have it all together, my car isn't always clean, my bed isn't always made, I play my music too loudly, I don't wear my hearing-aids nearly as often as I should, I don't have amazing study habits, I talk too much, I sometimes binge-watch TV shows, I sometimes binge-read books, I have more than one Lord of the Rings Marathon a year. Just me. Cassolass of the Woodland Realm. No one else. I speak in weird accents to my dog. I would perish without Spellcheck. I randomly try to go vegan and then totally suck at it. I try to drink a gallon of water a day but somedays I don't because coffee.

But I do: Spend all the time I can with my family and closest friends. I make time to do the things I value. I make time to reflect and recharge and be alone. More than half of me believes there is still magic and Hogwarts and that maybe someday that thing on my dresser that is too far for me to reach  will float to me on my command if I just look hard enough at it. The other, more skeptical 49% of me is still clapping to keep tinker bell alive. I nerd out a lot. I go a lot of places by myself, because I don't think that it's weird. And when I go places alone I have a greater chance of learning about random people's lives and making new friends. And I do. I have an amazing dog, the world's greatest friends and family, an awesome job, and I was able to spend time with my family in a foreign country and make friends and learn about a different culture. I can enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in the morning on my front porch. I can go hiking and I can read books, and laugh and learn.


And life is good :)

So thanks for being a part of it :)

You rock  :)

What I Learned In 2014 (Abridged)

That I love my life so much it hurts.

 I guess I just feel that whether my glass is brimming with Iocane Powder or an Elixir of Life, at least I have a glass with liquid enough to make a toast with.

And on that note, I'd like to make a toast.

Here's to the freedom of choice.

And for the ability to choose happiness even when it is hard to.

And if all else fails, at least I have the world's best friends and family to pour me a glass of warm milk so I can try again.

Cheers!

10-ish Reasons Why I Know My Mom is My Mom.

1. She is the BEST story teller. I'm pretty sure if her life were a movie it would look a lot like Big Fish. And we all know how that one ended.

TRUTH.

2. Because I get text messages like this:

 And I know she really means, "We are still going to Skype at 6pm your time right?"

3. Because she sent me this picture on Christmas Eve:

  

4. And then this one the day after Christmas.

Her vote of confidence in regards to my love life is truly inspiring.

5. Because she sends me 6 Billion posts on Facebook everyday. 

I gripe about it but without her, well, this would be my Notification Page:

Thanks mom!

6. We are both obsessed with our dogs. For obvious reasons.

(My mom and her dog Joshua)

(Ruthie June and Sidekick)

(now multiply these pictures by 1.78 billion and you might come close to the number of pictures we have of our dogs.)

7. Because watching Lord of the Rings is ALWAYS a great idea.

8. Family is Everything. 

And Socks. 

Yes, definitely socks. 

Fuzzy Socks. 

A lot of them. 

Socks forever.

9. Because Road Trips, traveling and trying out local cafe's and coffee shops is just our THING. 

10. I get "Are You Dead?" Emails in my inbox every other day. Even after I have just "liked" all of the 6 Billion posts she sent me on Facebook. 

Nope. I'm not dead yet, Momma. But thanks for caring! 

Love you Mom!! You are the best! :)

I Know, I No.

Ever seen that movie "Yes Man?" 

Well, lately I've been living in a similar manner, except, if my life were a book, they might just call this chapter,"No, Really." 

So here it is. 

How I learned to say,"no" and not feel guilty about it.

And instead, learned how to say,"yes" to a life all my own.

It may seem silly, writing a blog post on such a simple thing as, "no" but actually, saying no can be really hard. For many, many reasons. But I also know that it can be liberating. 

It's so funny what I can say,"no" too. I can say,"no" to alcohol, weed, drugs, drama etc. So easily. I never care what people think about me when I decline those things. If they think I'm lame because I don't drink etc. simply because I don't want to, then that's their issue. 

But it is so silly to think of all the things I could almost never say, "no" to. Dates, events, too many work hours, lower wages than I could have gotten, trying to be there for everyone all the time, giving and giving and giving. And never taking the time to give back to myself.

I used to think that my happiness was somehow linked entirely with the happiness of those I loved. 

So I did what I could to help "make" them happy. If you were to have called me a "people pleaser", to an extent, you would have been right. But pleasing people was not about acceptance or anything like that for me. It was about my fear that somehow I might inadvertently cause someone pain and sorrow.

So then I started a pattern of frantically trying to live life and be everywhere and see everyone and give to anyone that asked for help. I would do that for a few weeks and then I would spend three weeks in isolation just binge watching 90210 (Lord, help me.) and reading book after book just to escape. Ignoring text messages, phone calls, emails, school work, class even my very best friends and closest family members. Because I would always get to the point where I just COULDN'T.  No matter what it was.  

Then I would start everything all over again.

Live

Give

Give

yesyesyesyesyesyesyes

Hide.

I never thought my interactions with people were fake but then I realized that if I kept giving when I had nothing left then it was like I was just printing out paper money without anything in my treasury to back it up. So it was valueless. And eventually it would lead to collapse.

 The Great Depression, anyone?  

So what happens when your economy collapses? Rebuild to make things stronger and to fix old flaws that went unnoticed until then. Try new things. Take it slow. Because it takes time.

I eventually started to be brave. 

Saying,"no" in a world where offense is taken easily, opportunities are lost almost as quickly as they are presented and when it seems like if you don't say, "yes" you'll lose everything, takes courage.

I realized I didn't owe anyone anything. But that still didn't stop me from wanting to give back to them. And that is okay. Actually, giving "simply because" has been more fulfilling than any other motive for giving that I have experienced. 

I'm no Mother Theresa. 

I'm just someone who realized I needed to love and give to myself and others in equal measure in order to live a balanced life. It's not about forgetting about everyone. It isn't about becoming unfeeling and selfish. It's about loving yourself AND others. Because if you don't love yourself how in the world can you even begin to TRULY love others?

I can't tell you when it happened but all of a sudden my life seemed entirely my own. Full of opportunities to share it with others, love more fully and not settle. No more giving to people who only tear me down. No more asking anyone for permission to make my own choices. 

I decided to stop running away. 

And I started saying,"yes" to the things that make me truly, truly happy.

Night walks with my closest friends, going to farmers markets, I quit my terrible job to go back to school. I went to Thailand for a few months. I started enjoying, fully, my morning cup of Crio Bru. I started reading books I wanted to read and started being okay with NOT finishing books that I just didn't like.(Yeah, that's right. I now have an "Abandoned Books" bookshelf on my Goodreads account.)

One of my worst fears is becoming an island. And I used to think that, "no" was water in a moat surrounding me. That, "no" somehow separated me from everything.

Now I know that a well-placed,"no" is a bridge to somewhere else.

 Somewhere I want to be.  A place with it's own set of problems and adventures. A place where there are still battles, but ones  I don't mind fighting because they are for things I believe in.

Accompanied by people I want to be with. Doing things that make me happy. 

A well-placed,"no" can be a fortress against some pretty bad stuff. That,"no" doesn't have to be a road-block.

That a well-placed,"no" can actually offer more opportunity than a half-hearted, counterfeit,"yes."

SO.

I'm not Queen of, "No Land." I still say, "yes" a lot. 

Because a lot of the time,"No" can help you find something you want to say, "Yes" too.