Wednesday, May 30, 2012

One Shot.

I love to exercise. It is my release. Some people bond over ice cream and late night heart to hearts or over a mutual hatred for the Dodgers but I tend to bond with those I exercise with. I still enjoy heart to hearts (although when I was younger I was a fan of the Dodgers) but nothing compares to a friendship bound by sweat, team work and a masochistic love of physical pain. At least it is that way for me. My best friend Jess and I met in high school while at Cross Country practice and then we became close during track season since we both did Hurdles. We run every time we are both home from our various universities. Then we hang out like normal girls. It's simple. It is honest. It's healthy (on a number of levels).The reason I bring all this up is because, after drooling over contemporary dance videos for 4 hours on Youtube last night I realized I really needed to get a life. So I started a Blog? I started one last summer and it worked out alright. Some people track their calories or take before and after pictures to chronicle their weight loss efforts whereas I get a kick out of writing. I figure, a blog is a pretty good way to become motivated to do more with my life. I have notebooks and pocket books I carry with me everywhere I go just in case inspiration hits, but I thought a blog might be a nice place to bring all those little bits of light together. Have you ever tried to venture through a cave with a flickering flash light? You end up at the bottom of a creepy tunnel while invisible spiders crawl up your legs and arms. No good. So I guess a blog is my way of trying to make that flickering flash light produce a steady stream of light so I can see more clearly where I am going. 

Life feels very stagnant right now. It makes me think back to my Track races. I remember getting into the blocks. fidgeting, getting comfortable, trying to stay focused my hands covered in sweat, chalk and dirt. I remember the terrible moment of complete stillness before the gun went off. The fear, the excitement, the self doubt but also the hope. The hope that this might be my best race, that I might reach a new personal best or finally feel accomplished after I cross the finish line. Then the run. Then the stretch. Then the movement. Some days I would choke, somedays I would win. There are times in life ranging from moments to years that can feel like this. Life feels pointless, empty....lifeless. Full of fear and doubt but a small sliver of hope always seems to accompany all of that. Hope that one day all the little things I do will make an impact. That when the race is over and life comes to a close that it was not in vain. That someone benefited from my life. That I helped people in my own way. I want to move. However, I refused to be afraid of the stillness, I will breathe and brave it. At the same time I want to be ready for the movement. I have one shot at life. I don't want to be stuck in the blocks. I don't want to choke. 

On an entirely random note Ben Howard is awesome so I want to share one of his songs. 

No comments:

Post a Comment